12/26/18 E69 Training Yourself to Connect With Others

Today the guys discuss the value of fostering relationships as part of our whole-health journey.

What is the value of connection?

Being right vs being connected.

How to get past the need of proving your own worth.

The art of building relationships.

Learn from the monkey! Always remain curious.

And how human connections are integral to a keto lifestyle.

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Chad: 00:00 The very, very best way that you can show somebody that you're listening is asking them questions about what they just said. I agree. I agree. It's a journey begins in a single step or in my case, one less piece of bread. My name is Chad and I'm a seeker. I have sought out an expert in the field of nutrition and fitness who I owed would help me feel better. They call them the biohacker, but I call him Eric. I hope you'll join me in a path that leads you and I to optimal fitness, the body and the mind as we live our life in ketosis. This is the life and Ketosis podcast, a biohackers guide to optimal body performance.

Chad: 00:54 My name is Chad and this is my quest to achieving the healthy state of being with a man that can get me there. My mentor and cohost, he is the science to my regular guy. The extreme testing to my. I'll take your word for it. The biohacker himself. Mr Eric Bischof. Somewhere along this journey of ours, I realized that feeling better is really one part physical at one part mental and both are needed to achieve the optimal state of being what I call keto, happiness or ketosiness. And today we're talking about connection and I chose this topic because I was. I've been thinking a lot about connection lately. As you know, Eric, we just recently came off of a long road trip and we were living in a school bus that I converted into a home and we went out and kind of traveled the Pacific northwest mostly and had just had a good time for about four months. And through this whole process I was really thinking and trying to apply and strengthen connection with people. And I'm going to talk a little bit. We're. We're obviously going to talk a lot more about that as we move along through the conversation. But I wanted to set it up under that guise because there's a lot of things that I learned that I experienced about connection. Along with the things that I've studied and learned from my clients and learned from my coach. And a bunch of different things about connections I'll bring to this conversation, but before we jump into that, Eric, how are you doing?

Eric: 02:28 I'm doing good. Doing good. We're always trying to do good and always trying to, uh, nevermind. I was going to take, always trying to be right.

Chad: 02:41 You're pretty good at being A. Yeah. A little bit about that. And this is, I think this conversation isn't going to be a real lengthy one because there's only a few things that I really wanted to bring out in this principle. To me, the simpler it is, the more success we can find in it, depending on what our goal is, but it's so, so important that we understand what connection is and why it's important to us. Um, my argument is, is that if we don't have connection with other human beings, we literally have nothing. And I'll, and I'll explain a little bit more. I mean, and, and, and I, and I stand behind that, but if you've got a, if you've got any counter arguments to that, I'd love to hear them. Otherwise I'm going to, I'm going to plow forward. But as I talk about connection, Eric, what is it, or I say the word connection to you, what comes to mind?

Eric: 03:38 Connection with the another individual or relationship. Um, yeah. In a one way you can actually communicate to each other and be happy and feel good.

Chad: 03:51 So you relate connection to happiness? Yeah. Why do you think you make that connection?

Eric: 03:57 Because in my own mind, if I, if I'm not connecting with somebody, then I don't know how. I mean I'm, I'm happy with myself and I'm happy, you know, knowing myself and discovering things about myself. But it seems like I have more happiness when I'm connected with somebody else, a friendship or relationship as a child. It just seems like a, I find more happiness with others. That's just me.

Chad: 04:25 Absolutely. What, what is connection?

Eric: 04:29 Connection?

Chad: 04:31 Yeah. To you, what if you were to, if I was, if I were to ask you to define it and now you've seen my show notes. So maybe this isn't a fair.

Eric: 04:39 I know, I know it's a fair question because you know, I know where you're going, but when I feel connected I actually feel like I'm, it's in a where I'm actually in a relationship that goes both ways, if you know what I mean, you know, where, where there is happy being connected to me as I am happy being connected to them. So if it's not a one sided connection that we all I'm guilty of always thinking of, you know, that one side connection works. I mean, but what about you? So that's my, that's my connection when both parties are, are, are both equally happy.

Chad: 05:23 Yeah, absolutely. The Best I'm the best definition that I've been able to come up with over the last couple of years for human connection is a commitment to being in relationship with another human. Yeah. So, and the, and the operative word there is commitment at the operative word is not relationship. The operative word is commitment. What is the level of our commitment to another human being and that determines our connection to them. And when I say commitment to them, I don't mean, I don't mean, I mean when we use the word commitment a lot, it as like, um, when we're talking in the context of marriage or we're talking, all I'm talking about when I talk about a commitment to being in a relationship with another human being is just being committed to whatever comes and, and, and not, not necessarily knowing how to handle it. Not necessarily agreeing with everything that the person does, um, or, or, you know, a number of things, but more so just being committed to being in a relationship has met as messy as that is. And uh, you know, the other way that we, a lot of times we talk about connection, we learn a lot of our terminology of connection relationships through movies and uh, Romcoms and a love stories and all of that kind of stuff. And it's, it's, it's often framed as this thing that we stumble upon or, or that something that just happens to us, right? It's this, we just connected, I don't know. And, um, and, and as you think about your maybe some relationships of friends and coworkers and all of that kind of stuff, maybe that connection did just seem to be there at first, but ultimately I would say it's not something that you guys stumbled upon. It's not something that you and this other person just stumbled upon her that happened to happen to you. It's something that you worked with or are working for either through, um, it, it's through commitment, right? So it's either being committed to being vulnerable in that moment and then connection happens or being willing to put yourself, put the work in by putting yourself out there to just talk with the person or express something that was close to you. And that's where real connection happens. It's not something that you would, that we just like stumble upon like, oh my gosh, all of a sudden we had this connection and then we were, you know, whatever. So, um, I want to be really clear that this is something that we work for. And if you don't feel this currently in a, in a relationship or your interactions with another human being, you can work for it.

Chad: 08:20 Um, and then the other part of that is that it, in my opinion, it's a lot more work, but it can happen one sided. You can, you can create a connection with somebody because it's you doing the work even if they are cold to it. And now if they, if they're not even going to allow you to interact with them or whatever, then that's a different story. But there are often situations where somebody's cold, um, or, or isn't really into committing to a relationship with you, whether it's working relationship, romantic relationship friendly relationship coach to client relationship. Um, a lot of times you'll run into people who aren't willing to open themselves up to that, but we can work really hard on our end and actually start to create a connection. I'm just through the work that we're doing. So I want people to keep that in mind too. This doesn't always have to be a mutually accepted venture when you can. We can create this a little bit on our own. So what I want to talk about is why, why it's valuable to have connection and how we created or how some of the things that we do that hinder connection and some of the things that we do that foster connection. Is that fair enough?

Eric: 09:44 You know what you're talking about one sided, you know, connection I always often wondered is, you know, is it, you know, one is basically trying to connect to the other party and it seems like a one sided connection. So do you eventually get to a point where you think it's, I mean, where do you draw the line where it becomes a therapy issue, you know, isn't biased at all and you know, it'd be equal in, in refereeing basically, you know, because it seems like that's where everybody gets to that stumbling point of trying to make that connection. Then you usually you need somebody on the outside to try to bring it together.

Chad: 10:27 It can be exhausting for sure. And I would never, I would never recommend that somebody stay in a relationship and try to foster connection in one that's with somebody who is abusive in any way, verbally, emotionally, physically. I'm not suggesting that at all. I'm merely suggesting that there, there are people that we are interacting with day to day, um, and, and I'm not necessarily even talking about a marriage, but this could be applied to a marriage as well as long as it's not exhausting to you, um, to the point where you're unhealthy. Right? And so that's, that's really the point where you need to evaluate that as this is, this is me trying for this connection or creating this connection, still a healthy thing for me. And if not, am I willing to bring in a third party to help? Are we willing to bring in a third party to help it be more healthy? And if not, then it's probably best that we not work on this connection and walk away from it at that point. And that's really something that you have to evaluate on your own or with somebody who is a trained professional to help you evaluate whether or not pursuing this connection is healthy for you or not. Yeah. So I'm definitely not holding us up as a golden standard where you should, at any cost, try to create a connection with everybody you come across. That's not, that's not at all what I'm saying. What I'm saying is we choose this selectively and uh, and we choose who we want to be connected with and then we really work for it. And uh, and that, that feels like the most healthy way of going about connection. Does that answer your question? Yes. Okay, cool. So what is the value of connection?

Chad: 12:20 Why are we even having this conversation and you already, you already named one Eric, um, which was, um, when you feel a connection with another human being, um, there is a level of happiness. I mean, I, I, I'm sure that it can be explained chemically as well in the body and in the brain, the something that we feel when we, um, you know, something chemically that happens in our brain that we feel this connection with somebody. There's endorphins released, there's a, you know, a bunch of other things that I'm sure happened when we feel a connection with somebody. Um, and, uh, so that's, that's obviously one that's gonna increase our happiness. Um, the other thing is if we, a lot of people don't think about connection in marketing in terms of marketing or product, right? When we have a business and we were developing this product and we're marketing to people. How, how do we put connection into that context? Because like I said, as we started out this conversation connection, if we have no connection with other human beings, we literally have nothing. And the reason that I say that is, Eric, if you were to, if you were to launch a product tomorrow, biostak and, uh, and, and you didn't have any other humans to make a connection with, show them the value of your product. Get them to trust you, which is all part of connection, trust and value, all of that kind of stuff. If there were no other humans to do that with, how valuable would biostak be?

Eric: 14:05 It would not be. Only valuable to myself.

Chad: 14:12 Well, maybe, maybe it, it in my opinion, it would have actually zero value because you, what are you living for? What are you being healthy? It's true. If I'm not connecting right now. Exactly. And so a lot of times the things that not a lot of times, all the times the things that we're doing, we're motivated by the opportunity of connection with another human being, whether it's creating a product, starting a company, offering a service, I'm having a marriage, uh, having children, it's all the, at the prospect of having a healthier and happier connection with another human being. So what is the value of connection? Why is it important? Because it's all we have. And the more we understand, especially if people who are listening to us are entrepreneurs or marketers or whatever, um, they'll understand. They'll know that the more we understand how to create healthy connection, the better off your businesses your product is you are, um, all of those sorts of things that just kind of, it has this domino effect, right? We, we invest in these connections and then it permeates into every aspect of our lives. So that's what I want to move into now is, is how do we become more connected, um, what are some of the things that we do that diminished connection and what are some of the things that strengthened connection? So, Eric, I want to take a quick pause really quick in our normal fashion, a pause our conversation and talk a little bit about bioStak.

Chad: 15:58 Just really quick. You were sharing with me a off air before we hit record that one of the greatest benefits that you've been seeing specifically with your clients, but also people who are not your clients and are just regular bioStak users. They're seeing a decrease in aches and pains in their joints and less headaches, which I can't believe how pervasive headaches are with people. It seems like. I don't know, it just seems like it's even growing even more rampant. What's going on there? How are people with bioStak, how are they reducing pain in their joints, headaches, stuff like that.

Eric: 16:38 And, and, and, and this is somebody I coach and before they couldn't even basically joints to the knees, basically inflammation issues, arthritis. Okay. Um, but what's exciting is this person couldn't even, you know, as far as the workouts that I prepare and then give to, to her, it was just basically trying to walk on a treadmill to where they could just walk and then eventually knees would swell up and you know, once they get off the treadmill, then you have to go to work and the knees would swell. And so that always prevented her from working out and exercising. And of course the weight gain would come because you're, you know, you're pretty stuck from moving because of obviously you're going to inflict some inflammation and in. So what's exciting is because on the bioStak, now that individual can actually walk on the treadmill and without the knees, uh, issue of being inflamed and now actually got to increase the speed on the treadmill. So it's now a fast walk and no inflammation issues with the knee. So that is really exciting. Very exciting. And that's what the stack is. It's very anti-inflammatory. All right? So anytime you're, you're, you're dealing with free radicals or reactive oxygen species, obviously you're going to be promoting inflammation. Everything is a root of inflammation. Okay? And so that's, you know, with Curcumin, Ashwagandha, of course Broccoli sprouts and uh, uh, as, as anthem and everything else, it really is anti-inflammatory. So there's just story after story of people and you know, you can eat nutritionally well to and obtain the, you know, the same nutrients, but when it's put together under the same basic, I call it the synergy of it, you're definitely getting these nutrients to, to combat those inflammatory cytokines. It's causing you the pain and the inflammation.

Chad: 18:42 So that's been huge for people. Yeah, it's killing inflammation. That's, that's awesome. Um, all right, back to connection. So if you think about your life, Eric what are, well maybe this is a nice thing to ask personally. What are some things, what are some things in your years that you've noticed diminished connection with others?

Eric: 19:07 I could tell you what, diminish my relationship with my spouse. Didn't diminish all the way, but I see constantly called me a right fighter. Um, and so when we were supposed to be connecting, I would never listen and I was always right. And so she always called me a right fighter. You are a right fighter. So I had to learn from, from her, you know, uh, basically on, I was not connecting with her at all. Okay. Because obviously she felt like obviously I was, I've said before that she was wrong and I was right. And so I would constantly, she would always say, you know what? She always say you'd rather be right than happy. So that was come up the things that I really had to, to learn, uh, on a course. Obviously I had to learn to listen. And that was one of the hardest things for me to do and it was great for her to, to be able to, to help me make some changes. And I think there's a lot of people that want to be right, right. And My, the only one that wants to be right.

Chad: 20:22 Not at all. Not at all. This is in fact, I love that you brought that up because this is the number one cause of disconnection that I see in my clients and my own life in my relationships is the desire to either be right. Um, and you've probably heard this, you've probably heard the saying you can be or you can be in a relationship. I really, really stand by that statement. Um, although I re, I replaced relationship with be connected because I think being connected is, is a next level of relationship. And when you're connected with somebody, you're relationship is a given. But the connection is where the power is, right? You're, you're seeing each other, you're hearing each other. Um, that's being connected. You can be in a relationship. We're in relationship with everybody, whether we want to be or not, whether it's bad, whether you know it or not, in relationship with a guy is cut you off on the freeway, but you're not connected. So this is being right. Is, is probably the number one issue I see of people or cause of people being disconnected. Another one is something to prove, right? If you're. And, and notice that with all of these things that diminish connection. Where is your focus on yourself yourself, right? What can I prove to this person? How can I show them that I'm right? How can I get what I want? How can I, you know, all of those, all of those sort of, of um, of mentalities. And so when ever we're focused on ourselves, and this is gonna sound so rudimentary, but it's, I think it's worth pulling out is whenever we're focusing inward and then ourselves, connection is weakening. So how do we strengthen? It was just for me saying that, what would you say? What, what, what is the underlying theme of how we strengthen connection?

Eric: 22:39 Probably as my wife would always say to me, listen to me, you're not listening. You listen to me because I'm right.

Chad: 23:00 Good distinction because hearing and listening are not the same. It's a very, very important distinction and even, you know, we get in, we get in the habit of saying what I hear you right now, I hear you, but hearing hearing is a physical, audible response to the brain that's not understanding that. That's why I say it. Then you don't even have to understand to listen. You just have to listen.

Chad: 23:42 And, and that the underlining principle, there is an outward focus rather than an inward focus when we are having connection and relationship with somebody else. Now, I don't want people to miss hear me. I'm not saying that you should always, you should 100 percent. Forget about yourself. Never focus on yourself. Always focus on other people because that's unrealistic. That's unhealthy. Um, what I am saying is that in the moments when you're building connection and you're working on connection with another human being, that's when you focus outward and on them. And um, and listening is one of the, is the number one skill that I help people work on when we're working on connection with another human being. Because we are terrible at listening. We're terrible at it. We don't learn it. We, nobody teaches us how to listen. Uh, we de emphasize listening, right? Because we need to be the one with the answer. So in somebody else, just think about your day to day conversation, Eric, how often do you find yourself in a situation where you're having a conversation with another human that you want to be connected to? And while they're talking you're thinking of the next thing your going to say,

Eric: 25:12 Hey, I'm laughing because I get called out on that all the time.

Chad: 25:21 A lot of people don't get called out on it but are still doing it and we know we're all doing it. Day to day we're getting into conversations with people and we say our piece and they start talking to us and then immediately in our minds we're thinking of this is what I'm going to say next and it's going to be so smart and it's going to blow them away and it's gonna sort of things. And that's not listening. We, you know, we may have heard what they said, but we didn't listen. We didn't take that moment to, to really be present with them and what they're saying and not worry about what it is that we're going to say that. Yeah, it's an incredibly, it can be an incredibly difficult skill. But practice, we have to practice, practice, practice. And one of the, one of the greatest things that I learned in my marriage, and I think a lot of this, a lot, I think a lot of people have a similar experience is um, especially men. And I'll be really careful not to. I mean, I'm stereotyping a little bit, but, uh, I think it's fair to say mostly men. Uh, we want to fix everything, right? We were very task oriented and so if there's a problem, a ABC and d get us to a solution to this problem and so when our spouses, our significant others tell us, hey, I've got this annoying thing going on, or I got this problem at work, you know, we go into, or at least I know from my experience and I think some people could relate to me. I go into fix it mode and I'm no longer listening to what she is telling me. My wife is telling me, I'm just trying to figure out the solution. And um, luckily pretty early on in our marriage, my wife had the language and the, and the wherewithal to say, listen, when I tell you these things, I don't need anything from you other than for you to just listen. I don't need you to fix it. I don't need you to have a solution. I don't. Yeah. I don't need your opinion for the most part. If I need any of those things and I will ask you, can you help me solve this. Do you have any suggestions for me? You know, all of that kind of stuff. Otherwise I'm just looking for somebody to sincerely listen and as soon as I figured that out, it took me years and years and years and years and I still slip up, but as soon as I figured that out, man, our connection so much deeper, so much more substantial when I can just shut my mouth and listen, not thinking about my own garbage, not thinking about the next thing I'm going to say, uh, all of that kind of stuff. So this is, this is absolutely huge, um, this listening to

Eric: 28:26 how do you convert that from like my situation when I became a better listener. Then I got asked, are you tuning me out? Because I'm like, no, I'm not, because that always had an answer. I always coming back, always add an answer, you know, always. And then when I just was really

Chad: 28:50 the very, very, very, very best way that you can show somebody that you're listening is asking you some questions about what they just said. I agree. I agree. How does that make you? That must have been, yeah, that must've been really tough for you. What did, what did you do? What were you thinking?

Eric: 29:14 Yeah, I know, and then what I would do is go back into the old mode of trying to know what she did was wrong and I told you so. Awful path and that's the wrong path to say I told you so. I'm glad you. I think you said it's a learning process. So there's

Chad: 29:42 practice. It's all practice. All these skills are 100 percent practice. So there's four principles that I'm going for simple principles, and when I say simple, simple doesn't mean easy. There's a distinction there. That's a very, very important distinction for anybody who's listening to me talk about some of these things. I'll use the word simple. A lot. Simple and easy are not the same things. We need to remember that. So there's four simple principles that I'm going to share of how to foster connection and listening is the number one. That's number one. And then you lead me beautiful and beautifully into number two, which has remained curious, not making assumptions. So if we can remain curious, that is going to, that is how we show the other that we are sincerely interested in, want to be connected rather than making an assumption about what they're saying has something to do with us or they want us to fix it or you know, ultimately most of the time, unless somebody in a relationship or a connection is coming to you and saying, Eric, you are doing this and it's making me feel like this. Oftentimes it has nothing to do with you. But once again, our, our inward focus makes every. We make everything about us. Gotcha. Have you noticed this? So when, when somebody tells us, ah, I'm so annoyed by this or this happened to me, or whatever, we make an about us, well, what I didn't do, I didn't provide something for you or I didn't give you the support you need or what? What's wrong with me? And we, we tend to make these things about us. And if we're going into a curious and, and not making any assumptions, then we're able to ask meaningful questions. We're able to focus on them and help them in whatever they need at that moment, um, and, and strengthen the connection on the back, the back end.

Eric: 31:43 So basically the questions come and then when is it time for you to comment at the end in here's comments to me given our communication. I mean basically it has to come sometime obviously, you know what I mean, but

Chad: 32:00 it depends on the relationship. So I think a lot of the times you are a lot of these questions for you are coming from your experience in a romantic relationship and um, my advice is never until they're asked for it and then, and then if there's something that you need to express, save it for another time

Eric: 32:21 and just thinking about this, just, you know, with this relationship and the communication is just how much different I could have done this with my kids, you know, and back in my dad's always right. Mom's always right. Kids are always wrong. There's just no if, ands or there's no time for you to give me questions or comment. It just, you know, chill was so harsh in a way. Basically because parents are always right and kids are always wrong type of thing.

Chad: 32:53 Yeah. We fall into that as parents so often too. And sometimes I catch myself and I'm, hopefully I'm catching myself enough to where we're creating new patterns and new connection. Cool. Okay. So number three, number three, uh, for fostering connection, integrity, keeping your word, keeping your commitments. So our, our connection is you can just think of it as a series of commitments. So whenever we're connecting with somebody, we're, we're making commitments back and forth. So whether that's just in a simple conversation, we're committing to being vulnerable in that conversation. We're committing to being honest in that conversation. We're committing to building each other up or challenging each other, whatever that you know, each conversation is different and each connection is different. So we're committing to different things in those interactions. But the minute you a break, a commitment, spoken or unspoken connection diminishes, and you can notice this and if you look at any of your relationships with anybody because I guarantee it you've broken a commitment to somebody somewhere or, or everybody that you have some sort of connection to at some point, right? We just what we do, we're mess making machines. We go about self sabotaging and uh, and we break commitments. And so the more that you can keep your commitments, keep your word, have integrity in the connection, the stronger it gets. So when you make that a focus, yes, you'll mess up. But owning that and vocalizing it to the other person that you're connected to, hey, I really screwed this up. Sorry about that. I won't do it again. I'm recommitting to doing, to, doing it better next time, or I don't love better, but you know what I mean, I'm committed to it. Again, I have a new commitment to it and it won't happen again. Um, that, that fosters so much more connection between you and the other person. Um, because they know they can trust you. The trust remains within the condition, right? Trust. Yep.

Chad: 35:17 Yep. Absolutely. So number four, um, keep in mind that your perception and their perception is a reflection. So this is kind of a complicated one to end on, but really what we do is we go through our day and we project our reflection on other people. Um, I was listening, I was actually listening to a podcast yesterday that I really, really loved. It's a, it's a podcast that Dax shepard does. Um, it's called armchair expert and he does cool fun interviews with different celebrities, experts, different kinds of stuff and they're really long form conversations. I mean, some of them are like two and a half hours long. Um, and, uh, he was talking, he had his wife on who is kristen bell and he had his wife on the, this, this particular episode that I was listening to and he was interviewing her about her show, the good place, and they were talking about different things and it's really fun. He has her on every once in a while and they kind of have like this marriage relationship on the podcast where they kind of bicker a little bit, but they seem like they have a really like, fun relationship. Anyway, he was talking and he was, he was saying, you know, the difference between Kristen and I is when one of the differences is, is driving when I'm driving, I'm driving fast, I'm cutting people off. I'm getting, I'm, I'm getting there 17 seconds faster than I would have by acting like a jerk basically. And, and, and just rushing and cutting people off and speeding and breaking the law, blah, blah blah, blah. And that's my reward is I get to the place. I'm going 17 seconds faster than I would have. And he said Kristen on the other hand, um, she is very, a courteous. She's cautious, she lets people in. She, when somebody cuts her off, she says, oh, I bet you know something. It's probably circumstantial. They're probably going to the heart rather than getting all angry at them. And her reward is a happier life, less stress, less stress. Right? And um, and, and then he, he talked about this, this idea that when he's driving and somebody cuts him off and he gets really angry and he, he projects on them, well that guy's just a jerk. He's just an a hole that's a jerk. He doesn't care about other people. And um, ultimately I just loved that he was so honest about this. He said ultimately what the realization that I came to is that I was projecting myself onto them. I because when I'm behind the wheel and I'm driving and I'm in a hurry, I am a jerk. I am in a hole. I don't care about the other drivers in the car.

Chad: 38:19 So when I see that behavior, I take my, what's going on for me inside and I'm projecting it on that person. And Kristin, on the other hand, the only time she would ever speed cut somebody off break the law is if she is in a circumstance that is extenuating and causing her to drive like that. So she projects herself on other people, which results in giving them the benefit of the doubt and living a happier life. And a less stress less, and I just love this principle. They illustrate. He illustrated so perfectly the difference between the two of them. And um, that's what I mean when I say our perception is our reflection and if we keep that in mind when you were in connection with other people, we're in conversation, we're working with them, all of that kind of stuff. When, when we start to feel something about them like, Oh man, this person is just being a jerk. They don't care about me. Really. It helps a lot to then reflect on that and say, what is that telling me about me? What am I afraid I am? Or what do I do in these circumstances that makes me feel like this is that kind of person and you know what? Maybe they are just being a jerk. Maybe they, maybe they are doing all of those things and for the motivation, maybe you're right about their motivation, but that doesn't matter. You can't do anything about that. That's outside of your control. What you can control is recognizing yourself in that perception and committing to doing something different. Is that clear? It's a little bit more of a, of a complicated, uh, uh, a principal, but once we understand it, it becomes crystal clear about how we project our own fears, faults, all of that kind of stuff on other people and they show up for us through other people that were connected with.

Eric: 40:18 Yes. I, I agree. I agree with that because I do that. I know and I know I pick on myself alot because I deserve it, but I really, I worked for a lot of people think of my wife's, like, all I know she loves me. So we've come a long, long way and I've worked hard at. It's amazing when you can really become a listener. It's amazing because it just enlightened you that, you know, you really learn about people when you listen, you know, and not just keep thinking of what you're going to say and you know, that, you know, blah, blah blah. But it's amazing when you become a listener and I'm still working on that, but I can really see the benefit of it.

Chad: 41:11 Yeah. And to your point, Eric, you know, we've talked about these things being a practice and all that kind of stuff, and there's, there's an old stoic saying that I love that says you're not done until you're dead. That makes sense. Because a lot of these things we want to, like, we want to like achieve them, right? We want to and just, yeah, I want to be done. We're, we're, we are a society that is obsessed with being done with something and moving onto the next thing. And uh, honestly when it comes to these things, when our mindset and our mentality and we're shaping our minds and our behaviors and our relationships, you're done when your dead. Um, it's, it's a work, it's a, it's a lifelong work. And so hopefully we can find joy in the work and the progress rather than shame, um, and, and upset. And, and that helps us live a much happier life because we're not done in time.

Eric: 42:12 You make improvement. There's, there's always happiness, there's reward, there's a payoff or for all of it all the time, you know, it could be just little improvements, you know, not you keep your expectations a little little lower, which, which I like that sometimes we expect too much from others. I know right away, you know, and it's, it.

Chad: 42:35 Absolutely. So how do we apply this to and nutrition, how do we, we always try to bring these principles back to where we originally started this podcast, which is keto and, and we've, we've made it very clear that we feel like it's got to be much more than nutrition and physical activity that helps us live a happier, well rounded life. And that's ultimately our goal for this podcast is to help our listeners in, in some sort of small way, hopefully live a better life. And, um, but I also like to stretch a little bit, see if we can apply this back. So here's my connection. You're ready for this. This is what I feel like it's connected is that through this life of keto, um, I have made a lot of really great connections. Um, and uh, our connection, Eric is one of those that has really developed over the last year or more than a year as we've worked on this podcast and worked on a few different products and coaching and all of that kind of stuff. And so each one of these things that's in our lives, it's a pretty dominant important thing to us. like keto, like diet, exercise is the perfect stage on which to build or diminish connection. It's just a tool and it's depends on how we choose to use it, right? So the way that keto can diminish connection is if you're always right and you're forcing it on other people and you're that person at the family party who's constantly talking about it and putting everybody else to shame because of the way they're eating, living, um, you know, all of that kind of stuff. Or it can be an opportunity for you to find people in a similar tribe or your same tribe and build connection off it, encouraging each other, listen to each other. When you're having difficult times, it's just a stage on which we can build or diminish more connection.

Eric: 44:44 Oh yeah. Does that work? Is that a good enough connection tie? I didn't have to tie it in. You did amazing like to coaching. It's it, you know, I've coached so many and become close to so many. It's not a coaching type of thing. It's a personal relationship and you get to know them personally in their life and see them overcome and, and you know, reach their goals and change their lifestyle and it's, it's really a connection that, that it's amazing to be a part of when you see somebody change their lifestyle to something that makes them happier. It just so rewarding for me. And it's also a painful because there is failures along the way. There is and my wife says, Oh, you take it, you know, you always take it so personal. Well I do because you know, when you really care about somebody becomes personal, but the connections are just fantastic. They really are where they are.

Chad: 45:41 Absolutely. Well cool. Well thanks for a mind hacking with us today.

Eric: 45:45 No, I appreciate. It was good for me. In fact, I showed my wife the topic, uh, the other day. I said, look at this topic. Says, oh, that's a good one for you. I said, I knew you were going to say that. He said it's for her too, so good. Alright, awesome.

Chad: 46:09 Well and I want and I want to thank everybody else for joining us on this quest for optimal fitness. If you're ready to begin your own journey and live your life and Ketosis, be sure to check out biofitcoaching.com or Biofit coaching on instagram. They handles @biofit_coaching, really cool recipes, tips, tricks, all that kind of stuff, almost on the daily with Eric. There again, that handles @biofit_coaching. Also, if this podcast has helped you in any way or entertained you, we encourage you to go to itunes or wherever you get your podcast. Leave a five star rating and a glowing review so we can help and reach more people. Finally, the greatest compliments that you can give us is sharing this podcast with your friends and family, those who are looking for a new way of living, and until next time, stay keto.