04/16/19 E85 Two types of Questions

In this episode Chad And Eric explore two types of questions. Questions to "prove" and questions to "learn". In any aspect of life, but especially when it comes to our diet and health, its important to, not only ask questions, but to ask the right questions, with right intention!

In the episode they cover:

The difference between questions to learn and questions to prove.

How to notice which type of question you are using, and the results that is getting you.

Finally, they talk about how you can find success in your conversation, by having the right goal in mind.

Have you heard the news? Eric and Chad will be live at the Salt Lake Keto Conference April 26th and 27th.  Check it out at ketosaltlake.com.

Don't forget to check out bioStak and get yours at bioStak.com.

And as always, if you have any questions on this episode (or any questions in general) don’t hesitate to reach out to us at bioteam@biofitcoaching.com, or submit a question on www.lifeinketosispodcast.com

And if you’re interested in starting your own journey, you can find out more information at biofitcoaching.com or on Instagram @keto_biohacker


Transcript:

Chad: 00:00 So I think about my life and I think about the times when I experienced the most excitement and happiness and just what, what I think it feels like to be alive. And those are the Times that I'm curious. It's a journey begins in a single step or in my case, one less piece of bread. My Name's Chad and I'm a seeker. I have sought out an expert in the field of nutrition and fitness who I hoped would help you feel better. They call him the bio hacker, but I call him Eric. I hope you'll join me in a path that leads you and I to optimal fitness, the body and the mind as we live our life in ketosis. This is the life and Ketosis podcast, uh, biohackers guide to optimal body performance.

Chad: 00:53 Hello everyone. My name is Chad and this is my quest to achieving the healthy state of being with a man that can get me there. My mentor and cohost, he is a science to my regular guy. The extreme testing to my, I'll take your word for it, the biohacker himself, Mr Eric bischof. Somewhere along this journey of ours, I realized that feeling better is really one part physical and one part mental and both are needed to achieve the optimal state of being what I call keto happiness or ketosiness. Today we're talking about asking questions and uh, Eric, I wanted to just really preface this real quick and I know this, every time I take on the topic for the podcast, I always have to have these, these preferences, but I wanted to make sure people don't tune out because I want to make sure they understand that this is very much, um, very much in line with our topic of keto.

Chad: 01:43 And the reason being is because somebody who is willing to, in my opinion, and you can help me out, that you had a lot of experience with your clients. But most from my experience, the people who are willing to try new things, especially when it comes to our eating and our diet, especially things that are seem counterintuitive, like eating lots of fat are usually people who are willing to ask questions and um, and, and willing to not always have the answer. And so I thought this is a great topic because this is something that I work with my clients a lot in my coaching practice when I coach people on their mindset is why are we asking questions? What is the point of them and what types of questions are we asking? And so, um, I think it's going to be helpful to our audience when we think about these are question asking people mostly that are listening to our podcast. Um, but before we jump in, I want to find out how are you doing Eric?

Eric: 02:44 I'm doing good. I feel good. I got over that whatever that humbling illness I had finally. Got It. Glad you sound so much better. I kept training me through it and I made it through it. So, uh, no relapse or anything. So I'm actually happy to, to feel better. So it's been a long time since I've been actually sick. So I was like, I told you before, it was humbling for me, so.

Chad: 03:09 Yup. Well it's good to have you back. We didn't have you on the Sunday Supp cause you were around in Vegas offering support 20 year bio fitters. Yeah.

Eric: 03:17 And that was nice. It was really nice. Or whether I'm a Sony felt good. A race was a tough one. But Eva at an Austin, she did great. She uh, she podium and she went after it. She, like I say, she's, she's tough. She went into the pain cave and she trained hard for it and she was all keto. She was Omad uh, as a great story. Yeah. She really came through it if feeling really, really good. So that was exciting to see that.

Chad: 03:47 That's great. And in addition, we have something exciting coming up that we've been talking a bit about and that's a keto conference. Salt Lake. Yes. Uh, you can go to Salt Lake keto.com and we are going to be there in person, in the real flesh. We have a bat. Uh, we have a booth there on the trade show floor and a, we're going to have pushup competitions. We're going to have cookies baked in. The Cooking in Ketosis kitchen and, uh, what else? Oh, bioStak that people can purchase. Yeah. bioStak there. So just have some of those fatty acid t shirts.

Chad: 04:23 That's right. We'll have teachers. So if you want to stay keto t-shirt, uh, we've, we've done limited, limited runs of those t shirts and people whenever they see them in their listeners of the podcast, they want one. Um, we also have one that says, I dig fatty acid and Eric, where's that one to the local rec center and gets all, all sorts of looks.

Eric: 04:46 All they gotta do is ask me why I wear it. And it's all, go ahead. Right there. I start talking.

Chad: 04:55 So in addition to us being there, there's some great speakers, um, who are some of the more well known speakers that are going to be there?

Eric: 05:02 A couple of my favorite, um, Bickman is going to be there, Benjamin Vic. And it'd be what you, uh, he's, he does a fantastic job talking about insulin. Also, uh, Brown adipose tissue, also Glucagon, which is one of my interests, you know, and Feldman will be there. And of course she talks one of my favorite on cholesterol and lipids since I'm what we call a hyper responder. There's a certain amount of us out there. He does a lot of great research on that and all, all about the cholesterol, which is really kind of a hobby of mine to, uh, getting into fatty acids quite a bit. A fit to fat to fit that guy will be, I haven't heard him speak before, honestly. He's a Utah boy, so, uh, he'll be there and the Keto Chow people that are hosting it. Uh, so it's actually quite a few people showing up. Uh, so it's going to be pretty interested in, um, uh, and I've heard all these, uh, speakers before, most all of them. Um, and it's well worth it. Well, we're doing a lot of good Q and a sessions especially. That's what makes it so interesting.

Chad: 06:09 So if you're going to be in the Salt Lake area, April 26th and 27th or can get to the Salt Lake area, we want to meet you, come see us at the low carb keto Salt Lake, you can go to Salt Lake keto.com and register there I think. Great. So let's jump into questions and uh, this, this conversation. I want to have a little bit of fun with Eric and we can chat back and forth. Um, and talk about questions. One thing that I've always, that I'm always working on myself practicing and my clients is I'm staying curious, and you've heard me say it a few times as curiosity, is the gateway to happiness in my opinion. Think about the times in your life when you felt the most alive or felt the most happiness. And a lot of times I would, I would venture to say that's probably times, and we're going to talk a little bit more about this later on in the podcast, but I would venture to say that those are the times when you weren't in the mundane a of life and you weren't knowing it all. You were experiencing new things that you'd never experienced before. And, uh, and, and finding out things about life probably that you didn't know before. And the only way we can do that is if we're curious, right? If we know everything, if we go through life, assuming that we know everything and not asking questions, not remaining curious, not experiencing new things, it just kind of gets boring. Yes. So I think about my life and I think about the times when I experienced the most excitement and happiness and, and just what it, what I think it feels like to be alive. And those are the Times that I'm curious and that I'm trying new things and seeking knowledge. Um, so think about this, Eric. Think about times in your life when, or situations in your life or relationships in your life when you are willing to ask questions and when you're afraid to ask questions. Hmm. Yeah, yeah. I can relate to that.

Chad: 08:17 As I say that if you're, like most people that I talked to about this, they start to come up with some scenarios in their life and they can quickly identify, Ooh, those are times when I'm unwilling to ask questions. A lot of these are, a lot of these are times when we're supposed to be experts, um, or we're supposed to be, uh, we're supposed to carry out a duty as, as a professional. So a lot of times in our jobs we're unwilling to ask questions. Um, and a lot of times if, you know, if there's an age difference and were older, a lot of times we're unwilling to ask questions. And I want you to just kind of think about those times when we're afraid to ask questions. Um, and what that does to our progress, what that does to, uh, our knowledge, our ability to obtain knowledge.

Chad: 09:09 I think it's really interesting to me the, for the, for a long time, for some reason I'm asking questions has been perceived as a weakness. Um, and I would venture to say that asking questions is actually a strength in any scenario.

Eric: 09:30 Do you think it's because the weakness might be because you're showing lack of knowledge or lack of that, you know, you know, it could be, you know, there's no such thing as a dumb question, you know, you know? Yes. Afraid to because you're, you're going to let on onto maybe you don't know that much of looking stupid.

Chad: 09:52 Absolutely. It's the fear of looking stupid. It's a fear of looking like you don't have a knowledge you maybe are supposed to have or, or do you think you're supposed to have it? And um, yeah. But the interesting thing is, I mean even if you went to school for something and learned this profession, say, and you went out into the world and you started practicing it, and even if you had been practicing it for years and years, if you come across somebody who has knowledge in that area, asking the question doesn't, in my opinion, and from my experience asking a question to that to a person that that has experience in it or knowledge in it doesn't show weakness. It shows your eagerness to learn more because they'll have different experiences than you've had in that profession. Or in that scenario they, you know, and they have a different perspective. They have a different life history that that influences their perspective. So I always say we can learn, we can learn something from anybody.

Chad: 10:57 And I struggle with this. I just like anybody else. I'm not here preaching and saying, Oh, I'm so good at this. I, I ask questions all the time. I'm very humble all the time. That's not the case at all. In fact, I would probably say I struggle with this more than most of the practices that I try to implement from what I coach people on. But, um, but when I do have that perspective of I can learn something from anybody, I get into the best conversations and I end up learning so much about myself and about life and about other people. And so that's what we want to talk about today is how do we ask questions that allow us to get into conversations that are life giving and that our knowledge giving rather than, and there's, uh, there's two types of questions I'm going to talk about.

Chad: 11:45 So that's the first one is one that is, that's the first type of question is one that induces a life giving conversations and, and it's an honest seek for knowledge. And then there's a second type of question and that is to prove what you know or to prove what you are, who you are. And we'll talk a little bit about the differences there. So, um, as we, as we talk about these, these two different types of questions, I'm going to talk about the first one or the first one I'm gonna talk about is to prove. So Eric, when I say asking questions to prove, what do you think I'm talking about? Because this is one part where most people go, Huh, a question to prove any talking about, uh, what comes to mind

Eric: 12:34 when I'm trying to actually show them by asking a question to prove my knowledge or my point and put them on the spot. Basically I got ahead of the conversation, I took control of it by asking these questions. So basically it puts me in control and I'm, I'm asking him, I'm putting him on the spot and I do that sometimes. Uh, yeah, I do that. I do

Chad: 13:06 a lot of times this looks like entrapment, right? Or it looks like control. I love you. You didn't say the word trauma, but that's kind of what you described. And then you did say the word control. And those are the two, two of the words that come to mind when I talk about using questions to prove something rather than using questions to, to seek knowledge. Um, and so there's a lot of times it's coupled with shame or contempt. There's a lot of ego involved and there's a bit of judgment on our part as as the question and asker.

Chad: 13:42 Right? And so a lot of times this can look like if you're feeling threatened in a scenario where you feel like you should know, like you know what the quote unquote right thing is or the right answer and you start asking questions in a way that is going to trip up the person that you're communicating with, right? Or that it's going to become very, very obvious that they don't know what they're talking about or that you are right or you know, put in whatever scenario there is there.

Eric: 14:12 Well, it's like sometimes I'm coming back to a question they asked me, okay. And maybe that's different. I don't know. It's like someone will answer, you make a statement to me, not a question. They say, ah, fat is bad for you. All right? And then, you know, we get that all the time. Correct. And say, well, tell me which carbon fatty acids you think are bad? Right? They're like, what are you talking about? I said, well, you made a statement and then I go into the fatty acid. How many different carbons area? Which ones are they? Which ones you're stating are bad and why are they bad? What did they cause me and how did the, you know, then I go into that mode and sometimes I just, maybe my, I lost my patience a little bit. I'm not sure.

Chad: 14:56 I think that's a great example. In fact, I was trying to think of an example. Good example. Uh, as I was prepping for this conversation, I just couldn't come up with them. But I love that one because your question is not to earnestly seek their knowledge or what they know about is to show them, Hey, I'm the expert here. By asking those questions. It, it just puts a lid on it. Basically, it turns off the conversation, which is which, if that's what you're working to do, which I would say, you know, if you are sick of that conversation in that question, it's, it's a very effective thing unless you want to have a continued communication with the person. So it's very important for me to point out that I'm not saying either of these types of questions are right or wrong. Like I've said in the past, I don't, I don't apply moral value to any of these things. It's just what are you wanting more of? And if you're wanting, if you're wanting them to shut up, if you want more silence from them as, as far as that topic goes, then it's a great way to get somebody to stop communicating with you. That's true.

Chad: 16:10 They may, they may not think very much of you at the end of the conversation or you know, they might not ever want to converse with you again. So that's a side effect. So you'll have to consider that. Um, but if your, if your hope is to actually engage with it,

Eric: 16:26 it is actually, I mean, it happens. They're like, no, what do you mean there's different? Sure. Fatty acids. And it said, yeah, you've got your saturated fats are 81012141618 let's move on. And then I talked about the other fats and some are good sound can and then go from there. So it's Kinda cool actually.

Chad: 16:42 Yeah. So then in that, in that way, um, you're actually asking, well, you know, tell me, I don't know how much you know about the topic. And so I want to learn about how much you already know about this topic. So do you know, what do you know about the different types of fatty acids? And so that's one point. That's another point that I really wanted to make that is really important is that oftentimes these two different types of questions to prove and to learn can be the exact same questions in the exact same words. But it's the intent that we use, right? It's, it's the, it's all about the context and our intent behind it, which is going to dictate our inflections and what words we emphasize and how we hold our posture while we asked them. And all of those sorts of bits of information, right? Because when we're in conversation are our brain can take in millions of bits of information. So we were not only having the conversation with somebody, but we're also watching their eyes were watching their body where listening to their influxion and it's computing all of this.

Chad: 17:53 It's quite amazing once you start breaking down everything that our brain is con is, uh, computing. While we're having these types of conversations, uh, it's, it's quite fascinating. So, um, we use these signals as the, as the question ask her to show the person what our intent is with our question. Does that make sense? So you're going to have a lot of, a lot of body language and, and, and tones and inflections that go along with contempt if you're asking to prove. But I'll diverse if you're asking to learn. This is a space of humility, right? Yep. So it's open mindedness it's eager for surprise. Its wonder and it's a seeking of new knowledge. So it's a much more humble posture. Your, uh, your inflections are going to be complete, completely different. Um, and it's just going to feel sincere to the person that you're asking and it's going to be, it's going to feel like an open invitation for them to engage and really reveal themselves.

Chad: 19:05 So what, what we need to talk about then is, okay, so what, so we know these two different types of questions. You're saying one's, one's good and one's or one, neither is good or bad, they're just different outcomes. Um, and how do we apply this? Well, I always say noticing is the first step to a practice, right? If you want to change something or you want to figure out something about yourself, the very first step is just to practice it. Um, and so this is going out into the world and noticing, noticing as that first step, as you ask people questions and notice their response and then evaluate, did I ask those questions to prove or did I ask those questions to actually learn something? And we can start to really understand, you know, okay, I see that people react this way. When I asked to prove or when I asked to learn. And now I that's realtime feedback for me to know whether or not I'm accomplishing what it is that I've actually set out to accomplish. So if I'm trying to engage with you, Eric and I, and I sincerely want to learn something about keto from you and not prove to you how much I already know about it, right? Um, I can ask my question and then I can watch your response and I can evaluate it and make sure that I'm asking the type of question that I meant to ask. So if your, if reaction is closed and, um, you know, a little bit reactive and you jump into a, maybe a rant or, or a way that you're trying to show me how much you know about this topic, that's probably pretty good feedback that I asked a question that, that you perceived as I'm trying to prove something to you.

Chad: 21:09 But if you were to come back with a very sincere answer and want to share with me the knowledge that pertained exactly to the question that I asked, it's a good chance I asked in a way that you perceived as I wanted to learn. And uh, and so that's, that's just a way that we can start to evaluate the way that we're interacting with other people that were asking questions, all of that kind of stuff. Um, so, but just go ahead and

Eric: 21:38 asking questions then. So the way you put the words together, so there is some creativity there. I'm sure. I'm just asking the right questions. So you know, in developing your question, I'm sure there's people that can really ask good questions then I'm sure there's people that just don't really know how to ask the questions, so. Yeah.

Chad: 21:57 Oh yeah, absolutely. And you know, naturally we're, we're terrible question askers a lot of times. I mean, I just think so many times, unless we're in a learning setting, like a school or, or a coaching scenario or something, we're not often asking sincere questions in which we want to engage with the person and really connect with them and find out and gain knowledge from them. Um, oftentimes we are just there to get what we need to get. And we've used questions to do that. And um, I shouldn't have said terrible question askers cause that's applying a moral value to it. But I should say we're not often, um, asking questions that will get us the results that we're actually seeking. Okay. Gotcha. So as you think about your coaching, your coaching experience with your clients, and this is, this is one thing that I really love about a coaching relationship is, um, it's an opportunity where somebody is coming to you and basically saying, I don't know anything about this and I would love your help. Um, as you think about your coaching experience, what times or what scenarios or what life circumstances or people in often when they are actually willing to listen and learn and ask sincere questions?

Eric: 23:29 And most of them, you know, obviously are, you know, seeking a coach for a need. Okay. Something motivated them to seek coaching and usually it's a health issue or an aesthetic issue or you know, competing type of, um, uh, uh, issue that they're, that, that they want to get faster, they want to work on something, oh, strength or whatever it may be. So that's exciting because they're seeking you and you hopefully will have the answers and be able to provide what, what they're seeking shut. Their questions are always really good in the beginning because they have lots of questions. Okay. And hopefully I have most of the ones. Okay. And then in, in, it's a great relationship because they're asking really questions that they're sincere about their, you know, they want to know. And then as the relationships get stronger and time passes and the more knowledge they get, some will we just be seekers continuously. But sometimes it reverses chad. If you get this, I start asking the questions because now I'm getting data feedback. So I'm seeking information from them now because they can provide me data about those variables that I'm not sure about, like Keto stalls and you know, whatever, uh, you know, reaching lactate thresholds in different things and cognition and, and everything else, weight loss, everything. So I can start asking them the question. So it's kind of interesting how it switches role sometime.

Chad: 25:03 Yeah, that's an interesting role reversal that I didn't even think about when I thought about asking you about this. But that is fascinating how that relationship is so symbiotic that I'll, and I'll bet it's, it ebbs and flows, right? It's not a, it's not a full reversal. They're asking questions when they come and then you get into a phase where you're asking most of the questions and then it, it just comes and goes, right?

Eric: 25:28 Oh, my wife always says, do they know you're there? You're Guinea pigs. Now they don't think, no, they're not my Guinea pigs. I'm learning from them and I'm actually am I'm, I'm trying to expand my knowledge by asking them lots of questions. So sometimes I ask too many questions. You might ask. My wife says, sometimes my questions are too personal, but I've just am what I am. Anyway, I, I've always been known to be a question asker. So that's just, I think that was in my personality as a kid.

Chad: 25:57 Yeah, that's, that's definitely a strength that I see you having. I, I'm the same way. And, and um, you know, it is, it kind of comes with the territory of, of coaching people is that is my entire job is to ask questions. Yup. A lot of people think as a life coach or a, or a mindset coach, whatever you want to call it, that my job is to tell them how to live and how, you know, what decisions to make and, and how, how to navigate through life. And that's, that couldn't be farther from the truth. In fact, my role is the exact same is the exact opposite. And that is to ask questions sincerely to understand them, to meet them where they are. And, uh, in that process of me asking questions, they have to work through the answers in their own mind. And so they start to come up with the solutions. And the decisions and all of that kind of stuff as they work through these questions that they never thought to ask themselves.

Eric: 26:57 Yes. I really don't. I mean, how do you get to know somebody? Um, cause most people aren't going to tell you everything, right? Questions or what prod them to reveal things about them and you really learn to, it's like a big puzzle. I always talk about puzzles, putting the pieces together about that person. And you really, my Moore's, you really get to know somebody by all the questions you ask him. Absolutely.

Chad: 27:22 I 100% agree. And I think, um, coming back to my question of where are your clients when they're willing to come to you and start asking questions is this is a time in our lives when we're willing to, the time that were most willing to do this in our lives is when we've been humbled. Um, when something, so what I tell what I, what I describe is, um, there's a, there's a difference between our reality and where we want to be in life. And when we realize there's a difference between our reality, like where we actually are and where we want to be. When the, when we recognize that difference, that's when we're humbled enough to start asking somebody some questions. But it's when, when we think we are, when we think we've made it or we're think we're better than or you know, all of that kind of stuff. That's when we're really unwilling to ask questions to learn and we're much more apt to prove everything that we, and, and you know, there is still that difference between where we want to be in where we are, but we're unwilling to let people see that. And as soon as we're less willing to let people see that there is a difference in where we want to be and where we are today, that's when the magic happens. That's when we're willing to seek out those who can teach us something and ask them questions and reveal our cards in a way, right. To really show them our hand and say, Hey, I want to know more from you. I want to learn more from you. Here's what I know so far. Uh, what can you teach me? What can you show me? And I think, I think your years, your work, and my work is very similar where we're working with people every day who are willing to admit that where they want to be and where they are today is different. And that they're willing to dive in with somebody who can help them get there. And that's what I love about my work. And that's what I love about the people that I work with is because they've come to a very humble place a lot of times and they're, they're just saying, let's do this.

Chad: 29:32 Let's, you know, give me whatever knowledge you can. Here's my questions, here's the things I'm struggling with, here's what hasn't been working, here's what I would love to work and, and let's work through this. And so those questions become so much more sincere and there's so much more to learn. So here's the thing, here's the challenge. How do we get ourselves into a place if we want to, I know for me, this is a daily practice. How do we get ourselves into a, in a place, on a daily basis where we're willing to learn from anybody that cross that we crossed paths with. And I love, like, I love this idea of being able to sit down to sit down next to the guy in the park that lives on the street and, and be all already in a place where we want to learn something from him or her. Right? I mean, I just bring up that scenario because that would be a scenario a lot of times I think that most of us who are quote unquote successful in society with think, well, there's nothing to learn there. Uh, they're obviously in a situation where, um, you know, that's not where I want to be in that. So I don't want to be in that situation so I don't have anything to learn from them. Right. And I think that couldn't be further from the truth.

Eric: 30:53 Um, you know, when you talk to certain individuals that you might think they're uneducated and they're, they're struggling in life and you know, things, you know, whatever their, you know, where they are in their life, sometimes it's on the street or whatever. It's amazing when you talked to people and then things they say is like, wow, where did that come from? And they've had a probably a lot of time to think about about life in general and they actually, I mean it's amazing that some of the things they really make you think about Nash and they bring those questions up. I'm like, wow, somebody, cause sometimes we get so caught up in day to day and, and the hustle and the bustle and this and this and this. We really don't stop to think about life a little bit. So it's kind of interesting, right?

Chad: 31:39 We don't stop to think, Hey, what could I ask them that would be meaningful to me? What could I learn from them? Right. And so there's a few byproducts of, of this type of living in this type of practice, of being willing to ask questions and to learn from anybody is one of the best ones is you'll have more quality relationships and more friends and more people that you feel deeply connected to which in return results in happiness, right? That's where that curiosity results in is the fuel for happiness. That's where that comes from is because we are willing to dive in and learn from people. And when we asked those questions of learning, it gives those who are answering the questions an elevated sense of worth. And it's like, Oh hey, they, they want to learn from me, or they, they're interested in me or they're, you know, they're, they're actually asking to hear who I am and what I'm about, rather than asking me, prove how much they know already know about me or don't know about me or don't care to know about me. And so we have this opportunity to build our relationships, to experience more happiness and to learn more just by asking to learn rather than asking to prove,

Eric: 32:57 hmm. You know, I have a question for you. How many do you actually want to learn or is this to prove a point? I'm learning also to bring out a point if possible. Okay. Let's say you're engaged in a conversation and I find this happens with me a lot and my wife notices it a lot. Okay. I engage in a conversation with somebody. I may not know them very well, but whatever lunch and whatever you were at, I start asking lots of questions and my wife always says, I asked too many questions, but um, is there a ratio? Okay. Let's say, am I going to ask you another questions? I'm learning about that person. They're sharing their life, their history, w whatever, some really neat things, but no questions come back to me. Okay? Yeah, there's no interest in me, so to speak. It's all a one sided conversation with my questions. Is that, why is that? Yeah, it did. I take too many questions. Control and they love and people love sharing about their life in their whatever. If you asked the right questions, you know, and, and it's a neat thing to learn about people, but sometimes it's just a one sided question conversations. I'm just curious about that. What, is this something that the questionnaire is doing wrong or, I don't know, Chad. I don't know.

Chad: 34:16 Maybe something you just don't mind. Yeah, in my opinion, there are so many factors in some ways, scenarios, right? Maybe this person is just shy. Maybe they don't know how to ask questions in a sincere way or that would be interesting. Or, or, uh, you know, something like that. But my, my, my thing is always to go back to you and not them, right? Because we want to put, we want to take these things and we want to put it on them. And you want to say, well, I was asking a lot of questions and I really wanted to learn about them, but they wouldn't ask anything about me. And that's why the conversation didn't go anywhere. That's why it was poopooed or whatever. And, and my thing is, well, that may be true. It may not be true, but the only thing that you can control is how you operate in a relationship and a conversation. Yeah. If, if the success of the conversation is dependent on the other person's ability to ask you interesting questions, then you've already set your conversation up for failure.

Eric: 35:21 Yes. Yeah. It may be, I'm maybe being a little more selfish saying, you know, they didn't take any interest me or ask me any questions, so maybe I was at, yeah, I was just more of a selfish attitude, like, well, you know, and take the conversation for how great it was me about that person,

Chad: 35:38 which I enjoy, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I wouldn't, I would, I would take a less shameful approach than you are. I wouldn't be so shameful on yourself. Um, and, and just, and just notice more so, uh, w what the goal of the conversation or what your goal or how is it going to be a fulfilling for you. And if the fulfillment in the conversation for you is based on their ability to ask you great questions, then you're probably setting yourself up for failure in that conversation. So the more the more success in the conversation can be based on your performance and what, I don't even like the word performance, but what your committed to in the conversation and that is learning something, then you will absolutely succeed.

Eric: 36:27 Well, my wife always gives me the answer because I've asked her about this, you know, we're in the same conversation with paypal and she's like, well they probably already know how boring you are. I could tell him you're just boring.

Chad: 36:40 So if there was one word I had to describe you a, it would not be boring. That's not even a word that comes up for me when I think of you as boring. Yeah, absolutely. So I would just say check, check your rules of engagement and check your criteria for success. Okay. So when you enter these conversations, really get clear about what it is. What would make this a successful conversation for me. And if it has, if the success lies completely on your commitment and what you're committed to in it, then you will succeed. If it relies on what they are going to also bring to the table, then you're often going to find, yeah. Disappointments. Yeah. Gotcha. Good. I mean, today's pretty short and sweet. I wanted to make sure we really drove home those two types of different questions and really get people thinking about how they interact and how they get curious and knowing that this curiosity is, is one of the major fuels for happiness.

Eric: 37:51 And I have one more question for you since you and I do different types of coaching. Okay. Your Life Coaching, my coaching is, I get lots of questions that I get to answer scientifically now with you. Just tell me if I'm right or wrong with your questions. Don't. A lot of your questions have to be asked by the individual about themselves. You know, I think those are the most difficult questions in the world. Like who am I? What do I stand for? Why do I do this? What's my motivation? Those are, and you coach that and that seems way more difficult than me just answering why I brought you. That's why we're expanding this podcast so you can handle that stuff. And it is, it's there. It's so real with people. Everybody, everybody needs like myself, a life coach. I mean it, it's just a whole different world. And then the types of coaching that I do. Amy, I love the health aspect in nutrition and in the physical aspect of it and everything else. But getting into the mind aspect of it. Oh, that's a tough one. Most questions are hard, right? Absolutely. It's really

Chad: 39:05 a big part of my job is when people ask me a question, especially if it's a relational question or uh, I mean that's probably the majority of the questions that I get my work is either in romantic relationships, friendships, working relationships. I mean those relationships are everything for us as we go through, you know, people, people is the only thing we have and, and our relationship with people. And so that's a lot of times our, our conversation, our topics go to this type of, you know, this question about this relationship or that sort of thing. And oftentimes it's quite frustrating for my clients at the beginning because, um, I'll turn the questions right back on them. You know, they'll, they'll ask me, well, why so and so reacting this way. And, uh, a big part of my job is to ask them, well, why do you think they're acting this way?

Chad: 39:58 And the block two lot of people that might sound like a cop out for me, it's not it. What it is, is we think surface level, right? So, um, our brain takes in millions and millions of bits every minute, every second. And we can only process a small fraction about, uh, like four to 5% of those, of that information we can process consciously and then everything else, our brain has to, uh, basically generalize, blur, glaze over. It's still has to put it somewhere. Um, so we were very good and we have evolved to stay surface level until we're able to, until we're willing to take a magnifying glass. And look at something, right? So we have these interactions in some and something goes awry in a conversation or a relationship with somebody. We are only going to look at the surface level stuff. The only, the stuff that we processed consciously in that moment, which is usually a lot of our own crap, right?

Chad: 40:56 In our own perception and all of that kind of stuff. Yeah. And so it, my job is to turn that around and say, oh well wait a second, pull out your magnifying glass, go back to these other bits of information that you just generalized in glazed over and let's take a look at those. And why do you think that is? And so it's not a cop out at all. It's, it's a coaching process in which we take out a magnifying glass and really look at the possibilities. And a lot of people will come. Usually we'll come back, especially early on in our relationship, in our, in our conversations, a lot of my clients will come back and we'll say, well I don't, I have no idea why. And my favorite line is we'll, if you did know what would it be? And we have to keep digging and digging and peeling back the layers of that conscious operating until we get to the subconscious and really understand. And then those, you know, once they're willing to do that, then the answer start flying then oh you're fine. That's, but that's when they start looking in at themselves and, and figuring out, well what was my contribution to the breakdown? What did, how did I operate in the situation that I, that I deemed unsuccessful. And that's when we really get, we really take some ground. So

Eric: 42:14 it's like why I always like to stay in the shallow end of the pool and not get to the weekend. I like to keep it shallow and I in, in the law, you know, and I've experienced going into the deep end a lot, you know, my life and it really changed until I could get out of the shallow end and actually, like you're saying, get off the surface and get into the deep end of it. It, it changed my life, but it was, it was tough. It was, it was the question, easy work. And my wife, she's like, Eh, I'd rather stay in the shallow and I'm good. I'm good right here. Quit trying to take me to the deepest. I'm like, honey, you got to ask these questions. You got it. It's kind of funny, but no, I, I don't, I am, I got to give you a lot of credit for getting people to go into the deep end of the pool because it shallows where it's safe sometimes.

Chad: 43:06 Oh, it feels, it feels safe. That's not, I agree. Okay. I don't mind missing how much are you missing? Right, right, right. And what's interesting is we're privileged, um, as, as far as this, this Jenner, not generation, but a holistically is where we are in history. Um, how many things are automated, how many things are taken care of for us? You know, it used to be survival and so, um, our, our ancestors are evolutionary ancestors didn't have the time to really dig deep into their relationships like we do. It was, it was survival man. Um, you know, meeting was for survival. Hunting was her survival. Everything was, was centered around how are we going to literally, um, he, you know, how are we going to survive? How are we going to keep our, our body intact and how are we going to preserve energy to keep our body intact?

Chad: 44:05 That was their main concerns. And now we have, uh, most of us in the United States have food readily available to us. Um, we have shelter, we have transportation, we have work, meaningful work for, you know, for ourselves. And so we're, we're really quite privileged that we get to even talk about these things in my opinion that we get to analyze what type of questions should we be asking to learn more and to progress and feel more happiness. And, you know, I think if our, if we could communicate properly and are an evolutionary ancestors, could, could see the types of things that we get to spend our time doing, they might be a little bit jealous that we get to, you know, have that time to really look at this stuff. It's quite met up, but it's, it's really fun and it's true. That's true. So that's it.

Chad: 45:02 Um, you know, we didn't, we didn't get a chance to take a break and talk about bioStak. So I'm going to do that real quick here as we wrap up, if that's okay either. Um, you know, most people have heard us talk about bioStak. If you're new and you haven't, you should definitely go to biostakcom check it out. It's five organic ingredients. This thing was formulated by Eric himself over three years of experience and uh, had his own little test subject group there at the gym that he owned for for a few years. And these were athletes, these were everyday people and you really just got a chance to, uh, to, to test it out and make sure that it's something that was promoting cellular health and, um, and it's just, it's great stuff. And, um, so if you haven't checked it out, go to biostak.com and take a look.

Chad: 45:53 There's more information there. Order a bottle, order a bottle today and see how good you can feel. Anything that's been on your mind about bioStak.

Eric: 46:00 This one, if you're going to come to the uh, to the keto conference stop by cause we'll be there of course by all stack and we can always go a little deeper if you'd like into uh, the synergy of, of the product and what it can actually do a little deeper. But that'd be great to, to be able to meet you and talk to you about it. That'd be awesome.

Chad: 46:19 Absolutely. Yeah. Well thanks for mine hacking with us today, Eric. I appreciate it. Thank you. And I want to thank you for joining us on this quest for optimal fitness. If you're ready to begin your own journey and live your life and Ketosis, be sure to check out biofitcoaching.com or biofit coaching on Instagram. The handle is @keto.biohacker also, if this podcast has helped you at all or entertained you, we encourage you to go to iTunes or wherever you get your podcast. Leave us a five star rating and a glowing review that helps us reach more people. And finally, the greatest compliment that you can give us is sharing this podcast with your friends and family, those who need it the most, those who are looking for a different way of living and until next time, stay keto