01/23/19 E73 The Four Agreements: Finding Personal Freedom

It's time again to do some mind hacking! Today the guys discuss a Toltec wisdom book called "The Four Agreements". These four agreements are designed to increase happiness and satisfaction as you free yourself through commitment.

How starting a keto lifestyle is making an agreement with yourself.

Do genes play a role in our ability to keep commitments?

What is an agreement? And who do we make it with?

The pros and cons of guilt in our lives.

Learning to be trustworthy for the sake of being trustworthy.

Contrary to your belief, the world does not revolve around you.

The importance of childlike curiosity.

And how the source of discontent is spending life at 80-85%.

Did you know bioStak can help calm anxiety and clear your mind? Eric would be happy to explain the science of why (seriously), or you can just experience it for yourself.

Go to bioStak.com to feel the difference. Not only will you feel great, but you'll also be supporting the podcast!

If you want to check out "The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom" for yourself, you can find it on Amazon.

And as always, if you have any questions on this episode (or any questions in general) don’t hesitate to reach out to us at bioteam@biofitcoaching.com, or submit a question on www.lifeinketosispodcast.com

And if you’re interested in starting your own journey, you can find out more information at biofitcoaching.com or on Instagram @biofit_coaching



Transcript:

Chad: 00:00 If it's an agreement with yourself, which is what we're going to talk about, these four agreements are all agreements with ourselves, which is if you do this, you will feel healthy, happier, more at peace with yourself and get a return on your investment. Yeah, exactly. They say a journey begins in a single step or in my case, one less piece of bread. My name is Chad and I'm a seeker. I have sought out an expert in the field of nutrition and fitness who I hoped would help me feel better. They call them the biohacker, but I call him Eric. I hope you'll join me in a path that leads you and I to optimal fitness, the body and the mind as we live our life in ketosis. This is the life and Ketosis podcast, a biohackers guide to optimal body performance.

Chad: 01:07 Hello everyone. My name is Chad and this is my quest to achieving the healthy state of being with a man that can get me there. My mento and cohost, he's the science to my regular guy, the extreme testing to my. I'll take your word for it. The biohacker himself. Mr Eric Bischof, somewhere along this journey of ours I realized that feeling better is really one part physical and one part mental and both are needed to achieve the optimal state of being what I call keto, happiness or ketosiness. And today we're talking about something that was really, really impactful on my life. And um, you know, it's, it's, it comes in the form of a book, Eric, but I would say that it's more than a book and it's actually an ancient toltec philosophy and I really, really love it. It comes from a book called the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and will actually lead to the book in the description. If people want to go ahead and jump over to Amazon and buy the book, it's really small. It's a quick read and it's pretty cheap. I think it's like $8 for a, for a paperback. And the four agreements is a philosophy and a book that I read probably near 15 years ago and have read it four or five times. Really. I mean, it's just, uh, it's, yeah, it's one of those that I just go back to over and over again because I got so much out of it and every time I read it I get something new or I recommit myself to the four agreements. It's just a great, great philosophy and a great basis for us to live a happier, healthier life. So that's what we're going to dive into. We're going to dive into the four agreements today. We're going to talk a little bit about each one and, uh, and, and kind of go that direction, but, but before we do that, how are you doing today, eric? And I'm doing pretty good. I'm doing good. Doing good. How about you? I'm great, but I'm, I'm, I'm better now that we're talking about the four agreements.

Chad: 03:08 A little groggy, a little bit stiff, uh, did some yoga and uh, and, you know, got the kids out the door and now I'm doing great because I'm, I'm excited about this conversation. What were you going to say?

Eric: 03:20 I have to admit, I have not read this book. So you're my mentor today.

Chad: 03:29 So I actually, I like it better that way, that way we get to have a conversation that makes sense to all of our audience that has not read it. I was, I'm not even familiar with it. I'm really. Yeah, I'm really excited to learn about it. Well, let's say this up at the forefront. You don't need to have read the book to be able to get the conversation we're gonna have today. Um, but if you have read it, I mean, that's, that's great too. So that you can kind of add some of your own thoughts about it to this conversation.

Chad: 04:02 I will say this, there is a kind of a mystical spiritual aspect to this book that I'm, I don't necessarily subscribe to. Um, I know you know this about me, Eric, and most people that know me personally is I'm, I'm a pretty critical, critically thinking person and uh, and I really kind of stick to what makes sense logically and what's been proven through science and behavioral science and all that kind of stuff. So I will say these four agreements, they line up perfectly with what I've learned in all of my behavioral science education, so you can either take or leave kind of the spiritual side and, and you know, I mean the Toltec are, are those who preceded the Aztec in ancient Mesoamerica in Mexico, basically the Mexican area area. Um, and so they were a very, they relied a lot on spiritual and a lot on gods and that kind of stuff. So there is that element of it. However, this is for everybody. This is just a way to get some things straight with yourself to live a healthier, happier life. And ultimately these four agreements can also are so incredibly applicable to living a Keto lifestyle, living a lifestyle of discipline, which is everything we basically, everything we talk about every week is, is some form of discipline. Wouldn't you agree? Yes, for sure. You and I, we talk a lot about self mastery. We talk a lot about discipline because that's what it takes to live different than the majority of society. Yes. So when you're taking on this keto lifestyle, you're making a commitment or an agreement with yourself and we're going to that, that language will make more sense as this conversation goes along, but you're making an agreement with your self a really important one to live differently than most of our society than what a marketing teaches us, what advertisement teaches us. I mean we. And so there's that. There's this level of self mastery that has to happen to be able to be successful and reach our goals there. So the, that's what these agreements are going to help us.

Eric: 06:21 Maybe I'll get into my searching for the agreement, gene. Maybe I know it's there somewhere, I'll find it. But it's amazing what can play in a role as far as being disciplined in and in pursuing things and staying committed. There is, there is some genetic issues, but we're not talking about that. But uh, I will search for it.

Chad: 06:49 That is fascinating actually because obviously our, our genes can play a role in our ability to empathize with people which plays into agreements. Our genes can determine whether or not we're we have sociopath or self grandizing ideas. Right. I mean, that's pretty interesting. I think that was tied very closely into what we're talking about today. We're going to talk about that

Eric: 07:16 from the comt gene within the Drg, those other ones that might might have some connection.

Chad: 07:25 That is fascinating. However though I think I would love to if we had a podcast where we just talked about the genes that make us sociopath, so let's start out. I want to talk about. I want to first talk about what an agreement is. Now I don't want to put you on the spot, Eric, but I think it's valuable because I think a lot of us have a different idea. We have different ideas about what an agreement is and how they play a role in our life, but when I say the word agreement, what do you think of it?

Eric: 07:56 Basically a commitment that I made with myself or with someone else that I'm going to commit to doing something. You know, I'm going to honor whatever I said I was going to do.

Chad: 08:12 Like you said, many important things in those short sentences that I want to pull out. One, you said it's with somebody or myself. I think a lot of times we don't look at agreements as something with ourselves. We look at them as externally. A lot of times when he, uh, when I, when I, in my coaching practice, when I talked to this, when I introduced this idea to a lot of people, some of the words they come up with our contract, like a, an agreement is a contract, you know, something externally that I signed with something else. Maybe it's a contract with a bank, maybe it's a contract with a business partner or a subcontractor or something like that. We think have, a lot of times we think of agreements we think of, of, of these contracts or maybe it's a monetary agreement, right? Every time we go to the store and make a purchase or every time we get online and make a purchase, we give dollars for something in return. Right? So a good or a service or something like that. And that inherently is an agreement we agree to give this amount of dollars, they agree to give this product or this service, uh, to the best of their ability or to whatever they have advertised it to be. Correct. Um, so that's, that's kind of like the surface level of agreements and, and, uh, it's a great base place for us to play. It's a playground for us to understand the deeper elements of agreements, which is what you mentioned, an agreement with ourself or an agreement with another person in our lives that's meaningful to us. And um, you know, one of the things I'm, one of the things that I think about a lot is, is this our misunderstanding or have a green, either our misunderstanding or are devaluing of agreements is one of the biggest things desolving the moral thread of our society or can dissolve the moral threat of our society.

Chad: 10:16 So, misunderstanding and disregarding for agreements is something that, um, takes us down what this term. You actually mentioned earlier before we hit record the slippery slope of moralization of, of our society. Now I, I'm not one that thinks that our society is getting less moral actually. Um, I, I, I, I sit in the camp where I think we're actually getting a lot better, um, but are, but are less but, but the, those who are not moral or those who do not understand agreements are getting louder. So we're stuck in this world. We're not stuck. We're in this world where, um, I think as a whole we're getting more moral, but those who are not moral are getting louder. And so we see them more and we have to deal with them more and they're rising into, to, to higher offices of power. Um, and so, so it's, it's an interesting dichotomy. Do you see what I'm saying here? Is that, um, I think as a general population, we care more for each other and we're, we're developing more technology and more systems that allow people to live happier, healthier lives. However, those who are in power or, or a bit louder are the ones who are practicing in morality. So I think if we just this one thing, if we were to able to get back to owning and understanding and re highly regarding agreements, we get to a more happy health and more about agreements.

Eric: 11:54 You've got me thinking about my agreements with myself or agreements with others. So let's say I make an agreement, I make a commitment or however, you know, I, I feel guilt when, if I don't keep my commitment. All right. I'm, I'm very displeased with myself. Is that, is that a good thing? I'm just curious because I'm trying to say what, what keeps you from in to maintaining that agreement? Okay. You know, desire will intent or is it because you're gonna someone's gonna Shame me? Maybe that, I don't know. I'm asking you.

Chad: 12:34 Well, I won't say no, I won't, I won't. Uh, I won't stick a moral judgment on guilt. But what I will say is there's been plenty of studies that have shown that guilt is one of the greatest motivators. Now, the problem with it is even though it motivates people to do things, the negative effects of how we feel far outweigh what gets done. If that makes sense, so when we're feeling guilt, a lot that follows is depression, sadness, a lack of self worth, all of that kind of stuff. So we may be getting things done like I'm air quoting here, we may be getting things done, but we're feeling a little bit so we then have to make a judgment or an assessment and say, hey, what's more valuable? Living a happy healthy life or getting things done, getting richer, giving more technology, giving, you know, all of that kind of stuff. If we drive that through guilt and have an unhappy society, but we get more things, what's more valuable? Right, and that's a. that's an assessment we need to make as a society. Are we happy with getting more things done or are we happy being happy? That's a big question.

Chad: 14:03 It's a really big question and I love that you bring it up and I also love that you have interchanged agreement with commitment because I haven't yet brought up a commitment. Commitment is a very strong a portion or or part or contributing thing to agreements. They're not the same, but they feed off of each other and we're going to talk a little bit about that. Um, but does that make sense? I mean, do you think we've laid the groundwork well for what an agreement is it? Okay, great. So if there's any questions, I mean I want to make sure we're clear, but an agreement can be with you and somebody else. It can be with you and yourself, but, but quite simply put, it's, I'll do this if you'll do that. We're agreeing to this or sometime it's also one sided. If it's an agreement with yourself, which is what we're going to talk about. These four agreements are all agreements with ourselves, which is if you do this, you will feel healthy, happier, more at peace with yourself and return on your investment. Yeah, exactly.

Chad: 15:20 Yeah, absolutely. Because it is quite an investment and as we go through these, you know, a lot of people are gonna see a lot of these are going to be convicting for people and I don't want them to be, I don't want this to be a conviction. I don't want this to be a Gotcha. I want this to be a place where we can, a safe space where we can talk about these agreements, make a commitment, which is, you know, a, a, a stepping up and saying, oh, I will do this. So I want us to make a commitment to these agreements without any guilt if that's possible. Okay, so let's dive into the first one. The first commitment in the four agreements, or the first agreement, I'm sorry, in the four agreements, is to be impeccable with your word. Now this is pretty simple, right?

Chad: 16:13 There's, this is basically making an agreement to be perfect with what you tell people is the truth. If you tell somebody you're going to do something, you do it like the good reputation of your name depends on it because it does. Um, and, and I think this is our, uh, the sake of being trustworthy. Just, you know, being trustworthy just for the sake of being trusted is something we have lost somewhere along the way for the majority of us. Um, we want an external motivation to be trusted like money or a clout or friends to surround us or whatever. Um, and I'm saying those are good motivators, but however, what, what if we were trustworthy just for the sake of being trustworthy, just for the sake of, because we know inside ourselves when we're being impeccable with our word and when we're not, a lot of times people outside of us don't know, never know and we'll never know, but we always do and we carry it like a backpack every time where every time we disregard our word, it's like throwing another rock inside that backpack. And we carry it around until we clear it with those who we were not honest with, are trustworthy with. And sometimes

Eric: 17:40 Do you think we ever do it enough to where you're a become desensitized a way you, you really don't know your self anymore because you think, ah, I mean, you start to believe in yourself and in your not being impeccable with your word where you just, as I just get callous to it, to where you just go so deep, you know, that backpack gets so heavy. You actually think it's part of you maybe.

Chad: 18:10 Yes, absolutely. The backpack, the heaviness of it, the running, right? Because when we, the minute this, I love this analogy of like running. So the minute that we are not impeccable with our word, the minute that we say something that's not honest or a break, a commitment with somebody, we start running and we're running from and it's exhausting, but we're running from that person finding out that we were not honest. We have to create more stories. We have to, uh, you know, avoid them. We have to avoid certain topics when we're talking to them in, in the, in the chance that we might mess up and expose that we have not been completely honest are we have not kept our commitments to them. And uh, and so this is where the difficult conversations, and this is, I'm not going to go into this too much, but a lot of my practice with my clients and with myself is around difficult conversations. So I often start my coaching sessions with my clients saying, what difficult conversations have you not had this week? Um, and, and those difficult conversations, if you think about it, you can think about those conversations that you need, you know, you need to have with somebody, right? But you're avoiding having them because there are tough. You're going to have to be honest and it's not gonna probably land very good with that person or you with yourself and it's not going to make you look good or it's not going to make them look good. You think about those hard conversations that you haven't had that you need to have. They're all based around broken commitments and it makes sense. I would challenge you, every single one of them are, are around broken commitments, whether they're small, whether it's you said, I'll do this and you didn't, or whether they're huge, right? Where it's a failed marriage or a father kid relationship or something. Whatever it is, whatever conversations you're carrying around that are difficult. And that's the other thing is you will carry these until you have them. Whatever conversations you're avoiding because they're difficult, they're all based off a broken commitment.

Eric: 20:37 Now what if the other party didn't keep their commitment or agreement with you. Okay? And you're harboring this very tough conversation to now, is it, is it selfish in my thinking that it's a one sided agreement issue where I'm not realizing it's a two sided, so I don't know.

Chad: 21:03 There's so much we can go into this. We just don't have the time, but um, no, you're fine. Another question that I often ask whenever we're in conflict with somebody else or with ourselves is I ask what's your contribution? Because until we can own our contribution to the breakdown, we cannot find a solution or we cannot reach a resolution. Okay? So even though I know, I know a lot of us will look at relationships and situations and broken commitments and yes, honestly, there are places in hard conversations where we, the person is that person is the one that broke the commitment. But until we're willing to own our contribution to it, which we always always have a contribution because we are a player, right? And we're not perfect. So until we can own our contribution, we can't reach a resolution. A lot of sense. I, some of my clients have that printed out in the, on the mirror or somewhere that they see every, every, every single day because it's so difficult sometimes for us to own our contribution towards difficult

Eric: 22:23 in my own life. I mean, I used to be the biggest right fighter in the world, but maybe I am contributing to this issue. That's good.

Chad: 22:41 So that's an be impeccable with your word. Obviously we could go so much deeper and um, Mr Ruiz and the book goes, it goes a little bit deeper. Give some stories that really illustrate this well. So I really encourage people to pick that up and read it. So that's our first agreement is to be impeccable with your word. Yep. So we're gonna we're gonna move on to number two, but before we do that, can we mention really quick bioStak? BioStak, especially after the new year has really a lot of people, a lot of new people have been trying bioStak. A lot of people new to BioStak. Sorry, they're not new people. They, they're, they're, uh, you know, whatever age they are, but they're new to bioStak. A lot of people using it, trying it out. I'm taking my challenge that I've been offering the last couple of weeks that if you haven't tried it, go ahead, go to biostak.com. Read about it, try one bottle. Realize I mean notice how good you can actually feel. And it's been amazing. I don't want to go into too much because you know, we're, we are pitching this every single week and those who are regular listeners have heard it over and over again. Hopefully they've done this, but if you haven't, go to biostak.com five organic and simple ingredients that work together synergistically for more clarity, more energy, more um, uh, less inflammation. What else? What am I name off some more benefit. What else am I missing?

Eric: 24:14 Basically it's going to reduce any going after the reactive oxygen species. Free radicals in your Mitochondria. Remember, the Mitochondria is, have good health on everything from energy to inflammation, chronic diseases, a motivation, a cognition, everything has to come from what we always talk about the Mitochondria. This is your protector of the Mitochondria, and of course nerf two activator and getting to antioxidant defense system turned on in dodge initially insight. So that's it in a nutshell, kinda. I'll make it brief

Chad: 24:56 and I'll, I'll point this out too, you know, bioStak, um, and biofit is how we keep this podcast alive. And so if this podcast is valuable to you, if it's helped you in any way, we really encourage you, go to Biostak, check it out. It's the way, it's a way that you can help yourself out, but also help us keep this podcast alive, um, and bringing all of these good topics to you and supporting you in, in, in that way. So go ahead, biostak.com. Check it out, get yourself a bottle, see how good you can feel. Perfect. So good. Great.

Chad: 25:30 So let's move onto agreement number two. And agreement number two is don't take it personally now. So we have this tendency as humans to walk around the, around the world and I think that it revolves around us. Now, you may not. When I, when you, when you hear me say that, Eric, when I, when you hear me tell you, Hey Eric, you think the world revolves around you? What, what does that do for you you?

Eric: 26:01 Uh it kind of makes me think about, uh, my ego.

Chad: 26:08 Wow. It makes me think about that. Because that's impressive because most people laugh at me and say, you're, you're give me a break. Yeah. I'm in agreement with you. A lot of people. That's the, that's the usual reaction I get is come on, I'm sure enough to know that the world doesn't revolve around me, Yada, Yada. Ya. However, I can tell that this is happening. Subconsciously. We do think the world revolves around us. When we take things personally. Let me, let me explain. Um, when we take things personally, we assume it's just a little hint, a little foreshadowing to the future number three, but take things personally. We assume that everything that happens is about us or has to do with us, right? So we're driving down the freeway and uh, the classic example that I'm going to use for all the mindful people, people in the mindful area, uh, use this example to illustrate so many different things. It's a good example is just maybe a little overused, but whatever, it's something we can all relate to. When you're driving down the freeway, somebody cuts you off. What do you mean? Well, no, no, that is known for it. It, you know, truthfully, right, right.

Chad: 27:54 Yes, yes. Utah highways are a race track, just so you know, it doesn't matter where you're going or if you're, or if you're in a hurry, you still need to act like the freeways, a racetrack. You're cutting people. You got to get there before them. You got to get off the exit before them. You got to get on the exit before them and you shouldn't need to look where you're going to. Utah recognizes this. This is fact. Oftentimes when we get cut off on the freeway, something that is so impersonal, right? We're, we're all in our own metal projectiles flying down this asphalt, um, and uh, and, and nothing about it really is personal, but however, for some reason when we get cut off, we start thinking, oh, you think you're better than me? Oh, you think, you think where you've got to go, you got to get to your place quicker than I have to get to my place. You think your appointments more important than my appointment, right? You're laughing because you can relate to these thoughts. And, and, and this is a great example of where we take things personally that have nothing to do with us. There is a million reasons why this person might've cut us off. You know, maybe they're rushing to the hospital. Maybe they're not even paying attention. Maybe they, uh, you know, are distracted by something. Or maybe there's a million reasons why this incident could have happened, but our natural, our first knee jerk is to make it about us. And this is why I say most of us think the world revolves around us because we take these times, we take these things that happen in life and they make them up, we make them about us. It's what they think of us. It's how they judge us. You know, it's all of those sorts of things. The moment you can make this agreement with yourself to not take things personally is the moment we're free of all of this craziness that happens in the world that really has nothing to do with us, right? So as, as long as those have something to do with us personally, we're imprisoned by them and they hold us captive. But guess what? Things just happen. There is a certain amount of randomness to this universe, to this earth and things ended up just happening to us. And whether you think it's for an existential reason or not, that's fine. You can hold that belief. However, if you continue to take these things personally, it's exhausting and it's unhealthy and it will wear you down. But the moment you can say, this has nothing to do with me, even in a, even in an argument with somebody, if you've, you know, if you've done, if you're, if you've been impeccable with your word or you've owned your contribution to the, to the, to the breakdown. If you're in an argument or an upset with somebody, if you cannot take it personally, if you can look at it pragmatically and logically and understand that their visceral reaction is just a reflection of how they feel about themselves in this situation. Then we can approach it with a clear mind and, and the argument, the argument no longer owns us. It can, but we can work through it. We can have that difficult conversation. Where are we going to say?

Eric: 31:43 Yeah, because you know, we've talked about this before and something I've worked on for years is basically, you know, when you take somebody else's opinion of you personally, it, it just destroys. I mean, it makes you something that you're not okay and it in prison, you right? And it can make you act in ways that you wouldn't normally act like sometimes you don't recognize yourself and it's painful and it's here based. It's none of my business. What you, you think of me? That's your business chat. Whatever you think of me when I make it my business, then I suffer. Take it personally. I take it personal.

Chad: 32:22 It's not that you don't care about it when you don't take it personally. It's not that you don't care, you do care because you want to be in relationship with the person and you want to enrich each other's lives and making sure because when we're in relationship, we're healthy and we're happier. So it's not about not caring. It's not about like, screw you, eric, I don't care what you think. It's a, I understand that this has more to do with you than it does with me. So let's work through this. How do we, you know, how do we get to the other side of this in a productive way? And uh, so the, the. But the interesting thing about this agreement is the flip side of it, right? So really it doesn't have anything to do with you, but in all cases it has everything to do with you. And let me explain. So when we, um, I was listening to a really great conversation the other day on a podcast where they were talking about this idea of, um, you know, first impressions are this idea of labeling people as certain things. And the host of the podcast was saying, who's just a super insightful guy. I really love listening to him. It's actually Dax shepard his, uh, his podcasts called armchair expert. He's a very insightful, very thoughtful guy. They're talking about, you know, meeting a new person and if you're in a group of friends and a new person comes into the group and you, you all meet them and then the person goes away and you have an opportunity to, to chat about this person or what you thought or whatever. He said, you know, all, almost every single time, 100 percent of the time I've noticed that if we, if any of us have any grievances with the person, any issues with their, with them or their personality or the way they interacted with the group, it's never a consensus. We never agree on what was wrong with the person said, you know, what that taught me is that all of us are just seeing a reflection of our worst selves in them.

Chad: 34:32 So the thing that we don't like about ourselves or the things, the mistakes that we often make that we don't like about ourselves or that kind of stuff is what we find in other people and it's just, it's just a reflection of us or our worst selves or what we're afraid we are. Right. So that was very, very interesting. I've experienced that before where my wife and I meet another couple we get, maybe we go on a double date or whatever. We come away and we both like, wow, they're like this. Or they're like never agreed, like chill. I'll be like, wow. They really think a lot of themselves. And she'll go, oh, I didn't notice that I thought it was great. And so it always brings me back to the space of like, I don't need to take it personally, I don't need to have guilt around it, but it's an interesting notice that, oh yeah, you're right. I just, I just thought that about them because that's what I'm afraid I am and I'm afraid I'm full of myself and domineering conversation and you know, all of that kind of stuff. So anyway, uh, that's, don't take it personally. There's two sides to it. It has nothing to do with you, but it has everything to do with you in two different ways. Okay. I hope that's not confusing. I hope that's clear.

Chad: 35:51 Okay. The next one, third one that I alluded to earlier is to not make assumptions. And this is very, very difficult. Um, the, the underlining theme with this, when we're assuming things and, and believe me, we all knew it whether you recognize it or not, but we're constantly making assumptions and assessments. And the problem is, is that our habits betray us. So an assumption is a habit. It's an easier way. Our brains, our brains are wired to find the quickest way to a conclusion, right? Because that's the least amount of energy spent and conceptually, um, during hunters and gatherers, they needed to preserve their energy and they needed to figure out the easiest way or, or the, the path of least resistance to getting food and shelter and all that kind of stuff because energy was finite, so was food and shelter and um, all of that kind of stuff. So our brains for, for millions of years was programmed to try to find the simplest way to, um, to a certain thing. Now what that to us is it, it created habits, right? Right. And assumptions are just our habits, uh, manifested. So if I, you know, if I meet somebody new or something and they look a certain way or they have a certain career, I'm going to make a bunch of assumptions very in a split second, less than a second, right? I can hear this. I assume this is your personality. I assume, you know, you, uh, are this religion or whatever it is. And so I make all these assumptions and then I interact with them based on those assumptions.

Eric: 37:49 Do you think it's a question people, when you do that, do you think people are making more negative assumptions or positive assumptions in regard to that?

Chad: 38:03 It depends. It depends on what we decided in our mind, what category they fall under, right?

Eric: 38:11 Just seems like a lot of negative. Like, Oh, you walked away, you know, you're jumping into his, their business somehow. And it's nothing like, ah, they're so great and this and this and this. I'm sure this and this and this and you're right, they probably do this and this and are you thinking this? And Blah Blah, blah.

Chad: 38:30 We, we, um, well we naturally, we kind of assume the worst. I'm wondering for some reason and um, I haven't dove much into that question, but yeah, I would say it's probably more we're making negative assumptions about people than positive. But then there are people you know that I admire their career or I admired their philosophy or whatever, and I'm going to make a bunch of positive assumptions about them that may not necessarily be founded on any truth.

Eric: 39:02 My wife always gets after me, Lisa, she. Because I always ask a ton of questions when I talk to people and I don't know, maybe I'm just trying to learn more about them than maybe assuming things. I guess I'm not. I'm not really sure. I'm not really sure.

Chad: 39:19 So yeah. So, so that's my next thing is how do we do this, right? Because it's fine and Dandy to just say, oh, stop making assumptions. Okay. Well, I'm, you're saying ancestrally I'm programmed to do that. I've been doing this for 35 years. Oh yeah. Great Chad. Just stop. Right? Well, what, how we combat this is redeveloping a childlike curiosity and right? So if we can foster a childlike curiosity were the first time, you know, I'm just going to use a really bad example. Maybe we meet a computer programmer and our first, our first assumptions are going to be all this guy's boring is analytical, is you know this, that whatever. I'm not, I, I, let me be very clear. I am not saying that that's what computer programmers are. Just making an example. Maybe we make those assumptions. If we can approach that like a kid who has no idea what a computer programmer he is or uh, you know, what they do or all of that kind of stuff. If we can leave all of that out of the conversation and just be curious, then we can get so much farther in our relationship with people. We can be happier. We can be healthier because we're taking each person and each situation at an, in, on an individual basis. Like it's the first time that we've approached it and, and yes, we're going to have experience and knowledge that follows us and we need to use those things. But when it, when it comes to situations where we can be completely open and curious, that's going to be the healthier way of, of approaching it. And it's going to lead to more opportunity, it's going to lead to deeper connections because you're genuinely interested in the person or the situation and finding out all you can about it before you make any assessments.

Eric: 41:27 And plus with, you know, with children especially as is how honest they are when they ask questions, they're, they're, they're very honest question, know my kids getting me in trouble when they were little, they'd ask these really honest questions to adults and they didn't mean anything by it, but they were just asking them very honest question

Chad: 41:54 and when we remain curious and we don't make assumptions, opportunities open up to us, it makes sense and lots of opportunities whenever we make an assumption, um, or, or act like we know or think we already know, we closed doors to opportunities. Yeah. Okay. It seems like we create a lot of problems too with assumptions. Oh yes. Absolutely. Unnecessary issues. Absolutely. All right. Final number four. And this one's very, very simple. I don't have a ton to say about this one, but I think it's super powerful is do your best you make that agreement with yourself. To do your very best whenever you can, you leave everything on the mat, everything on the floor and walk away. There's just this level of satisfaction regardless of whether the outcome was viewed externally as successful or unsuccessful. As long as you know you did your best you, it's it. It is the most freeing feeling to know that you, that you did do your best regardless of the outcome.

Eric: 43:07 So you basically accept that your best was good enough. You have to come to that where right. You have to settle, not settle. I don't mean that because if your best is good enough, then you should be happy with, with the best that you could do.

Chad: 43:25 Most of it. Most of the people I work with on a day to day basis in the coaching work that I do, um, a lot of them are entrepreneurs, a lot of them are creatives, all of that kind of stuff. Really smart, really high potential people. Right? And there's one principal and, and I think this will ring true with a lot of our listeners and probably you, Eric, and it certainly rings true with myself and that's why it's such a powerful point of discussion, is that almost every single one of them I know are playing at like 80 to 85 percent right? But the rest of the world looks at the amazing things they're doing or looks at their life or looks at their, you know, whatever they have and thinks it's their hundred, they think they're giving 100 percent. And it, it's, it's this weird relationship that we have with ourselves and with the world because we can play at this 80 to 85 percent. Everybody else thinks we're playing at 100 percent. So we look good on the outside. But inside it's tearing us up knowing that we only would, that we have more we could give, that we have more that we could do, that we could be better, that we could try harder, that we could give more to the world. Right? And, and, um, so it's, it, it creates a lot of discontent inside of ourselves. A lot of unhappiness I would say right now, if you are an entrepreneur, if you're an artist, if you're an executive or whatever, if you're listening to this or even if you're not even, I hate that language, but if you're a parent, whatever your role is, if you feel unhappy in that role and take a really honest assessment of the percentage that you're giving to that role and if it's not your very, very best, that's where your discontent lives.

Eric: 45:16 Because I noticed myself that I'm learned over the years is that when I make the assumption that somebody else isn't giving their best and I really learned to try to get away from that because they're best man not be the best you think is that you do and you've got to learn to accept what people's best is. And You keep the assumption down on that a little bit.

Chad: 45:44 Yeah, absolutely. Well, that's the four agreements.

Eric: 45:48 Uh, what a cool. I mean those are something that I'm going to get that book actually it. Is it a big read or short read or really sure. What short really been around how? What'd you say? Ten years or so. I don't know how long it's been a year. It was published, but I read it about 15 years ago. Fifteen years ago. That's a good book. I am. I will. Definitely. I will read that. Sure, absolutely will.

Chad: 46:16 Thanks so much for mind hacking with us today Eric.

Eric: 46:19 No I'm glad you did the the mind hacking today, so I'm grateful to you. It was interesting because I, I had no idea what you know, we really didn't discuss what you're, we're talking about. I got real busy with a bunch of other stuff, so deep and gene, gene, gene calls and I was like, ah, Chad knows his stuff, so I'm just going to go with them.

Chad: 46:47 Well, right, and I want to thank everybody else for joining us on this quest for optimal fitness. If you're ready to begin your own journey and live your life and Ketosis, be sure to check out biofit coaching.com or biofit coaching on instagram. That handle is @biofit_coaching. Lots of great keto tips, motivation, all kinds of things there that you'll find useful in your Keto journey. Also, if this podcast has helped you at all, entertained you supported you, please consider going to itunes or wherever you get your podcasts, leaving us a five star review in a glowing or a five star rating rather, and the glowing review that helps us reach so many, so many more people and grow this community that we've been growing for almost a year and a half now. Holy Moly. That's incredible. Um, so, uh, also the greatest compliment that you can give us is recommending this podcast and passing along the good word to those friends and family who need it, who are looking for a better way of living. And until next time, stay keto.